


Receding Stability

by Smolishaya



Category: Ejen Ali (Cartoon)
Genre: Ali Ghazali Needs a Hug, Ali Please Get Therapy, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mental Health Issues, Post-Movie (Ejen Ali), References to Depression, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers, Viktor is Not Oblivious, implied panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:22:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24842239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smolishaya/pseuds/Smolishaya
Summary: (Trigger Warning: Self-Harm)Due to him constantly cutting himself, wearing bandages due to "scooter accidents". He has become more disassociated than never. Viktor soon find out and helping him while treating his wounds, focusing on thoughts and self-worth.
Relationships: Ali & Viktor, Ali Ghazali & Viktor Ong
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	Receding Stability

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! This one is a bit different than my usual kind because I noticed that Ali could actually develop serious mental health issues after the events that happened in both of the series and movie.
> 
> So here's my take on when Ali deals with his self-hatred to the point he got The Big Sad™. Have a lovely day!!

The process all seems to be natural for Ali nowadays. Applying the Betadine® antiseptic cream onto his cuts on his forearms. Carefully and gently spreading the cream to not accidentally open up a cut.

It's a good thing that he sneaked some reusable bandages into his room from the First-Aid kit after showering, otherwise the cuts would stick to the sleeves of his clothes and leave traces of blood. Not to mention, it's _icky_ and _painful_. 

**_ Or where Ali has constant suicidal thoughts after going through a lot of events from the movie. _ **

\-----------------------

**('How long has it been?')**

  
The thought suddenly pops up during class, eliciting a small sharp inhale from Ali. That caught him off guard, he cringed at his phantom pain. Reminiscing about the whole fiasco with Niki that he remembers like it was yesterday. The choices he had made, he deeply regreted it. Things worked out in the end but, he doesn't seem to be okay with what happened. 

As if things should end badly for him, but it didn't.

**('You should have died when you had the chance')**

  
"Ali! Pay attention to the board while I'm teaching!" 

  
Puan Munah yelled from the front of the classroom, breaking his spiralling thoughts. His only responses is a stutter of incomprehensible words, only to nod shyly. 

He _really_ has to put a stop to this constant thoughts that has been occuring since the incident, it has been really bothering.  
Good thing that class and school is about to end, all he has to worry is about the homework but that's about it.

Looks like some of his classmates already started to pack up to go home, it's only about time until the bell rings and---

_**"RINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!"** _

There we go.

Puan Munah sighs, as she stop her sentences midway. She writes something on the whiteboard before turning away from the it, facing the students that almost got caught on packing up.

"Alright class, these are the homework that you are assigned to do during the weekends. Whoever does not finishes their work will be punished!" Puan Munah aggressively slams her stick onto the desk, making the students gasps and cower in terror.

Except Alicia of course.

"That is all for today, you are dismissed." 

As she leaps into the front door, disappearing immediately into thin air (or as Ali would like to imagine, amusing himself). They all chat with each other whilst packing up, putting away their chair into the desk, walking away. Ali sighed in relief, at least he has mandatory leave from M.A.T.A. 

For two months, to recover and as a punishment.

**('You're probably better off dead anyway')**

Well all there's left is to wait for one month left, then he would get back on the field. He didn't really want to think about it anymore. He wished every problems in his life would end. There is a way, isn't there? He's been doing it for a while, might as well take a giant leap to it--

"Yo Ali!" 

Viktor pats Ali at the back, greeting Ali with a smile. Apparently he is already walking towards the school gate. 

The thoughts in his head has succumbed to him causing the boy to walk on autopilot. He better pay attention on what's going on with reality. Ali looked back at him with a neutral look, what's with all the 'cutting off his train of thought' for today?

"Hey Viktor, what's up?"

"Do you want to hang out today or tomorrow? At your house, as usual."

"Uhm, I guess..." 

Well for Ali, he guessed that it's been a while since Viktor came, maybe today could be better with him around. Then again..

The thoughts of that day when he uncovered something about his mother suddenly wash him with a lot of pressure. It's so heavy. This has been happening to him for weeks now, it sucks.

**('What if you just didn't exist? Just saying.')**

  
This is getting too much. So he wants to be alone, that's all. He just cant take it anymore. He needs a break, even from himself. Even from his own mind, his tormenting mind. 

  
Why is Viktor looking at him like that? Oh right, he left Viktor hanging by his words. Whoops Ali, you better say something before you arise suspicion.

"Tomorrow.. Tomorrow! Yes, tomorrow." 

That is all what Ali manage to say, causing Viktor to worry about it, or amused? Ali could not really be sure by the looks of his best friend's expressions.

"Alright, tomorrow it is. You okay, buddy? Even earlier this morning, you looked miserable than ever. Everything okay at home?"

Home, eh?

**('There's your chance to kill yourself.')**

Shut up.

He released a breath that he didn't realize he was holding, evoking on what he was going to do. Home..what about home?

Oh, right, that's where Ali is heading in the first place. He's doesn't know if its the safest place to be at the moment, or he's shutting himself away from the world. He just feels that way, for as long as he could. Then he comes home to no one except Comot, but she has a mission today. Uncle Bakar seems to be busy as well. At least he has time to change the bandages without worrying about others catching him. He just sighs,

'What am I doing..' 

  
\--------

  
Viktor is getting worried, Ali has been like this all day--no. Recently, he's been like this recently, from past weeks until now. He's started acting a little but aloof, like he is stressed about something.

Weirdly, Ali started to wear bandages around his arms to school. He starts to be more distant, not to him, but in his own. As if he's battling with his own self.

Maybe he is? Viktor is not particularly good at this but, he can tell that his best friend is not doing well. Is it physically? Is it _mentally_?

A pang of worry when a thought strikes him.

Bandages, could it be? I mean he did say about "accident with the scooter so I ended up skidding both of my arms on the pavement" but it's been more than a month.

  
The thought of Ali doing that haunts him. It's so unlikely of him to do so yet so..

_Possible_.

He should really be there, Ali looks like death has been following him around. Though, rather in a paranoid way, it's more of depression. 

That's not good, isn't it?

He is about to ask Ali something, but he's not in class. 'Where did he go?' Viktor starts to booking down the corridor, rushing down to the stairs. As he sees Ali few steps in front of him, he sighs in relief. He reach out to his friend,

"Yo, Ali!" 

The boy gave him a glance, a blank expression. That's not like the Ali he knew at all, usually he would chirp up a bit when he sees Viktor. Now he's just...like this.

"Hey Viktor, what's up?" All that Ali could respond.

'What's up? I should be asking you that!'   
Viktor retorted internally, this is getting nowhere. He has to devise a plan, he needs to know what's going on, and how to help.

He's concerned for his friend.

"Do you want to hang out today or tomorrow?  
At your house, as usual."

Nailed it.

Viktor is waiting for an immediate, chirpy response. Like he always did, with his goofy smile or a confused agreement that never fails to make Viktor feel content. He always wished to be with Ali, it's nice.

However, all of that was washed away once he realises it's been a while and Ali is still deep in thought. Viktor looks at him, slighty worried. Ali seems to notice that and immediately blurt out a response,

"Tomorrow.. Tomorrow! Yes, tomorrow." 

The hell? That was so sudden, it's almost funny but he's getting the hint that he's hiding something from him. Viktor sighed, when will Ali stop from bottling up his emotions? He gets that it's hard and all but seeing him like this...

It's a bit heartbreaking.

"Alright, tomorrow it is. You okay, buddy? Even earlier this morning, you looked miserable than ever. Everything okay at home?" Viktor says after taking a second to process what he's feeling. 'Looked miserable' is an understatement, he looks like he's about to witness a kitten hang itself on a tree.

The thought of the analogy he just thought of made him feels extremely uncomfortable. Intrusive thoughts are stronger nowadays, wonder why? 

He sees that Ali suddenly stops from walking, just a few feet away from the schoolgate as well as Viktor himself. Drifting into his deep thoughts, he sees Ali sighing.

_Well that's a bit new nowadays._

Okay now he's _really_ sure about Ali being not fine. The signs are all there, waiting to be pointed out. The constant tired state, lack of laughter, concealed dark circles under his eyes, sudden twitches and flinches. As if he's really anxious abou---

"What am I doing.."

Viktor almost missed that. Did...did Ali just said that out loud? Viktor diverts his attention to the sudden complaint,

"What do you mean, Ali?" He asked, seeing that there's a lot going on about Ali than what's meet the eye. He hoped for an answer but he sees that he is already on his scooter

"Hm? Oh, nothing. Nevermind that, Viktor. See you tomorrow, okay?"

Then he just goes away, just like that.

"Ali, what are you hiding?"

Not noticing a certain someone has been listening to their conversation, analysing what's going on. The person fades away as that someone walks to the direction to where the school's library is.

\---------------

'Finally home.' Ali stands by the entrance, slowly taking his shoes off, taking his keys and unlocking the sliding door. He slides the door and greeted his home.

Home, right.

**('You don't deserve this, or anything')**

Ali sighs, giving up to his own mind talking shit about himself.

"I know."

He steps in and closes the door behind him, slowly making his way to his room. His feet feels like he's being chained by a tonne of anvils and chains, due to his fatigue. He drags his feet upstairs, making a mental note to change his bandages after he showers.

He finally reaches to his own room, pushing the door open. He almost tripped since he was leaning a bit on the door whilst opening it. He throws his bag to the side and immediately faceplants on his bed, grunting in the process. He really doesn't feel like showering, it's too much effort and he feels like shit.

**('Do the world a favour, don't live for the next day')**

And the feelings won't stop coming.

In the end, he took a shower anyway and got dressed in the shower. After all, the bandages need to be replaced and washed thoroughly before reusing it again. He washed the bandages, cleaning any traces of blood and yellow marks of antiseptic cream. He dries them out on his table, near the window.

Rolling up his sleeves on both and right and left arm, and seeing his cuts crystal clear. He can see few already have pink scars instead of scabs. The recent ones from yesterday's are dried crimson red, thankfully clotted. He gets to work on treating them, which is weird. You cut yourself and then you treat them?

  
_'Well make sense if you dont want to get infected, so potato-tomato.'_

  
The process all seems to be natural for Ali nowadays. Applying the cream onto his cuts on his forearms. Carefully and gently spreading the cream to not accidentally open up a cut.

It's a good thing that he sneaked some reusable bandages into his room from the First-Aid kit after showering, otherwise the cuts would stick to the sleeves of his clothes and leave traces of blood. Not to mention, it's _icky_ and _painful_.

He grabs the bandages and placed the hooks in front of him. He starts to roll it around his left arm first, hooks it when he's done. Same process with his right arm except a little difficult since it's not his dominant hand. He sighs in accomplislhment, he's finally done for today. He rolls down his sleeves, covering up the bandages.

**('Imagine the looks of their faces when they found out about this disgusting thing you've been doing')**

Ali hitched his breath, anxiety and paranoia building up. Oh the thought consumed him. Their looks of disappointment, disapproval, sinister gossip, everything that could ruin him like a crash and burn in life. He didn't want to deal with this, so he just clutches both of his hands to the side of his head. Gritting his teeth to numb it all away, panting that is picking up a pace and twitching constantly.

  
**_It's not a good day._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Make sure to leave kudos and comments if you enjoyed it! I would appreciate it very much :D  
> So what do you think, a bit OOC?  
> Well, people change when they had to experience one of the most traumatising events in their lives. So I went with that approach! 
> 
> But do tell me some criticism so I'd do better fics in the future, adios!


End file.
